What is your addiction?

We all have something in our life that we are addicted to...whether it's food, alcohol, cigarettes, shoes, clothes...even something like DIY projects.  It's that one thing that you can't seem to say no to, no matter how hard you try.  It consumes your thoughts or it consumes you physically.  Mine - is food. I recognize it...I am finally acknowledging it... and I would like to figure out how to control it. 




Rewind to about 6 years ago.  I was diagnosed with food allergies. Wheat, dairy, egg, and peanuts.  How? I had allergy testing done because I started having a lot of breathing problems.  I immediately gave everything up.  I somewhat started feeling better physically. I was also diagnosed with asthma... which is an active part of my life now. Based on the season, I am sicker than other times. I am not allergic to anything (apparently) but my body responds to allergens as if I am. I will discuss this in a later post. I digress...I went 4 and a half years thinking that I had major food allergies.  I was able to relinquish the need for the food based on a emergent fact that it could hurt me...or cause a major asthma flare up.


I was able to find a doctor that helped me with my asthma and did their own allergy testing and determined that I was in fact not allergic to those foods. So, I did what any logically sane person would do...I ate my most favorite foods... bread. I didn't care what kind. Bagels, donuts, cake, single slice bread, French loaf bread, garlic cheesy bread, pies, cookies.  You get the picture. It has made my waist line increase. I need to stop the foods or at least control the portions...but my obsessiveness has taken over.  I often think - Why should I stop eating this? It's good and I will only have one.  10 (whatever) later I still think I can stop. 


At my work, we celebrate birthdays and people get to choose what they want the office to bring in to celebrate. It usually ends up being donuts or bagels.  Where is the fruit? It is few and far between. And what is worse is that the donuts sit in the counter in front of me... smelling all good and sweet, and screaming my name.  This has absolutely has nothing to do with people in my office. They have the right to bring what they want and eat what they want. They can control themselves. This is about me and learning control.


I feel as though I have made a small accomplishment since the last post. I kept to the goal of working on portion control. YAY! and the little chocolate holder on the counter of my coworkers desk... I have managed to stay away from it for 7 days now. SWEET! Literally. lol


I think addictions have to be worked on in small steps. Going one day without a cigarette is like one day with no chocolate or pastries.  They both have the level of significance in the persons life that is trying to control it. I strongly believe in one day at a time.  We may falter, but then who doesn't. It is when we falter once and totally fall and go back to our old routines.  It is tough to take that first step back onto the right track.  I say "go for it!!" Take that step on the right track. It feels really good. Pat yourself on the back or someone else on the back that is struggling with their own addictive issues. 


I would love to hear stories.  You won't get judgment here...    

My first blog... EVER!

This is my first blog post...ever. I have been wanting to start for years now and always came up with an excuse. This is the year for no more excuses and start doing the things that I want to do.  What is my goal of this blog site, you might ask.  To talk about situations in my life that you might also be going through. I am no self proclaimed "anything". I have been married and parenting over half my life and have as some extremely interesting situations that have come along with it.  I find it very difficult to speak words to people but when it comes to writing, I thoroughly enjoy it.  My mind goes and goes and goes and my hope is that by writing some of this "stuff" on my mind, it will slow it down a little bit.  So, you could say and I hope to help both you and me.

My first goal short term goal is to finish this post and actually publish it. I started this back in January and it is now October. Why has it taken so long? Because I am afraid of FAILING.  Who else out there is afraid of failing?  Go ahead and jump up and down and wave your hands. No one will see you. I definitely won't judge.  I don't have the right or honestly the energy to judge others.  I have had that done to me numerous times, but I will save that for another post. HA! 

I think my logic is that if I don't start, I can't fail, right? Ummmm. No. I am failing by not even trying.  There are so many things throughout the years that I have WANTED to do, but my fear of failing has kept me from even attempting. Often times, it small things like making a wreath, or attempting to color coordinate my home by theme.... but the largest issue I am having now is getting back to eating correctly and losing weight.  I can do this. I have done it in the past and there is no real reason that is stopping me right now... other than the issue I have with food.

I really feel like it is an addiction and that it is controlling my life right now. My hope is that by talking about it, I can overcome it. There are numerous obstacles that I have overcome in my life and I feel in a sense that I can do it. I just need a little help. I don't need top be that ripped mama that has six pack abs...but I need to lose weight. I know, everyone thinks that they need to lose weight but for health reasons, I need to... I need to lose around 25 pounds. Hmmm. doesn't sound like a lot...but when you want to eat all the wrong foods all day or there are office donuts staring you in the face, calling...screaming your name. It seems like an insurmountable amount.  Especially when I have the closet eating issue going on. Yup.. I wait until people aren't around to eat things that I want. Why, because I can.  So no one will know that I ate that bowl of ice cream, or that 2,4, 6 pieces of bread with butter and jelly.  Because it gives me that feeling that "I am in control" when in reality I am out of control.  No one will know and I can enjoy what I want, right? WRONG! The only thing it does is make me gain more weight.

So my daily goal is going to be not to over indulge in food. Difficult, yes. Can I do it? One day at a time.   It is after one o'clock today, and I have chosen not to eat the candy sitting on my coworkers desk  or eat the pizza that has been offered to me.

My goal for the week...to start eating the correct portion size of food.  I know how to do this...I went to a dietician. I know what portion sizes are.  

When I start down the "healthy eating" road, my first idea is to give up everything and eat exactly right and not mess up. How long does that last? about a day... I think we (I) expect perfection constantly and then when I fail, it is like I gave up. So why, bother, right? Once we make our first mistake, we start looking for compensations such as the "perfect diet trick" or the "perfect weight loss supplement".  I think as a society, our first thought is to find a quick fix or instant gratification.  There are numerous things out there now that will give you rapid weight loss or lose inches quickly. But is it healthy? I often wonder about the all natural products that are offered. How natural can they be if they make you lose weight fast?  What has been done to the natural substance to make it work so quickly?  These are just my thoughts and again, by no means am I any sort of specialist.  This is just me wondering out loud.

So, goal for the week. Eat portion size food.  That means reading labels and determining what a portion size is. If you have thoughts about this or would like to share your story, I would love to hear it. As for me, this will be my step by step real time look at my healthy eating weight loss journey.